Adele’s

Love Decagon

What is love all about?

Does plainly saying “I love you” justify that love abounds?

What are the sides of love that makes it complete?

Will having it all be a feat?

Is there any limit to space needing, when space in its meaning is so vast?

How do you quantify something so infinite as ‘not enough’?

What is the maximum duration in love for the test of time?

What should it be logically used for that I can’t seem to formulate in my mind?

Some need time to heal and learn, some need time to be nurtured and grow,

These are all very subjective, so when should the readiness come, how will we ever know?

In all this giving, that is when patience is measured,

How can we tell however, when this tolerance takes a toll into pressure?

Love may be found on a one way street,

But it has to be on a two-way to make a relationship,

In this, all the above applies and so does this;

Understanding is a must and a definite for keeps,

In order to achieve that, communication is the key,

When differences come in, compromising both must be,

Promises made should be kept and fulfilled,

Don’t let it be empty words and have distrust bestowed unto you,

Kindness and care plays quite a role,

Without this, what other obvious ways can love be shown?

Devotion and adoration is huge yet tiny,

So huge a cry it can make if it’s not expressed, yet so easily taken for granted when it’s overwhelming,

Affection is last but not least in this matter,

A simple hug and kiss can most of the time make things better,

All we need now is to smoothen the sharp edges,

That is how love can last through the ages,

It is not a miracle, it is not impossible,

To bring love in a relationship to a full circle.

-Adèle- (17.05.2006; 11.45am)

To Whom It May Concern

Living in the present with the past haunting,

Memories of brutal, cruel pain I keep seeing,

Sudden flashes of sorrows so excruciating,

The biggest mistake I made was being too trusting.

Regrets seems still to be at my feet,

Following me wherever I go so that the same mistakes I do not repeat,

I am still unsure who brought us in this field to our meet,

But I am glad to say so far the harvest looks good to reap.

Emotional turmoil cannot stop happening everyday,

Sometimes making me wonder if some things I should say,

Should I hold back and let the course of nature have its way,

Or should I blurt out everything and risk having to wince in dismay?

I cannot see the future, dim or bright,

What I do know now is I cannot have you out of my sight,

A day without hearing from you turns day into night,

Just a simple, “Hi, Love!” gets me jumping in delight.

Can I take a step forward to the next level?

Right now, my mind is in a major upheaval,

And my feet feel they are stepping on a bubble,

However, my heart feels calm and settled.

Forgive me I have to use time as my armour,

I really wish not to, but so far it seems to be doing us wonders,

Having the opportunity to comfortably enjoy each other,

Giving hopes to a future of togetherness with magnificent splendour.

Taking each moment spent like it is our last,

Makes it so unique and special like a hand-sculptured glass,

All sadness will eventually come to pass,

I know because with you, all I can do is laugh!

The voice of my heart speaks with sincerity,

It cares for you most affectionately,

So please help build US in the bond of trustworthy,

I hope not for our “You and I, Both” to end up just another chapter in our lives’ history.

-Adèle- (9.53am; 04.04.2006)

Moods of the Wind

Looking out the window to a calm and serene shore,
Where in the skies above the birds are happily flying around,
Chirping loudly to the seagulls at the foot of the beacon on the bay,
Stepping out onto the patio, I let myself be engulfed with the sounds.

Breathing in the fresh salty air of the sea,
Watching the never-ending stretch of horizon at a far-off distance,
Sipping hot chocolate from the mug in my hand,
Wondering how this simple life of mine can be utterly complicated in an instant.

Walking down to the garden below filled with flowers that never cease to bloom,
I take some weight off my feet and rest my heavy bottom on the rattan swing,
Thinking, what an amazingly splendid sight! But yet, why am I not satisfied?
Back to jumbled up thoughts, nothing seems to fit anywhere, is there something missing?

Blowing my hair now is the early morning breeze,
Trying to soothe all my confusions away to no avail,
The least I could do is lift my feet off the ground and let it rock my swing,
Tucking my hair behind my ears, pondering if my purpose on earth I have failed.

Swinging underneath the big old tree that has withstand years of wind, rain and sunshine,
Staring out again to the big open sea of nothingness,
Thoughts of maybes of the life beyond the vastness I see,
Will there be more to life than this? Can I trust my heart to live life now in uncertainness?

Hopping off the swing to head to the beach of powder fine white sands,
Not being able to leave a proper footprint behind with each step,
My thoughts return again to suspect that my life has been such, without meaning and memory,
However sad it sounds, new hopes in you I have found but am unsure if I am willing to take the bet.

Now the wind blows stronger, lifting my skirt around my ankles,
Holding the chiffon together, I bend down to pick a perfectly skilled Hand-crafted seashell,
Admiring its beauty in all of God’s glory, I slip the shell into my pocket,
Looking up to the heavens above to a world of possibilities, are they for me however I cannot tell.

Just as I lift my voice to scream to the barren space all around with eyes shut tight,
I heard a familiar voice screaming in-sync with perfect harmony,
And felt warmth holding my stiffened fingers, at the same time melting the iced-formed tears in the corner of my eyes,
As the wind continue to blow, carrying away all my thoughts, leaving it empty.

Just as mysterious it came, just as mysterious it left,
I open my eyes to the surrounding quietness, to find myself in your presence,
One hand still holding mine and the other wiping away my tears,
Making sure that all I do is see and feel, with no thoughts to cloud my judgments.

Leading me further down the beach, until I feel ripples of the waves with my bare feet,
You made me see the horizon of possibilities with a greater view,
Realizing that there will always be more to life no matter when and where in life I am,
Joy and pain is evident but I rather endure it than risk not experiencing anything with you.

-Adèle- (28.03.2006; 12.47pm) 

I’ve been wanting to post this hymn that I enjoyed two Lord’s table ago.

Hymn #1030 The Lord’s Calling

I hear my risen Savior say:
“Follow me, follow me, follow me”;
His voice is calling all the day,
“Follow me, follow me, follow me;
For thee I rod the bitter way,
For thee I gave my life away,
And drank the gall thy debt to pay,
Follow me, follow me, follow me.”

“I know thy life of guilt and pain;
Follow me, follow me, follow me!
I know each ache of heart and brain;
Follow me, follow me, follow me!
How often I have called in vain,
And offered pardon in my name,
And now I plead yet once again!
Follow me, follow me, follow me!”

“Though thou hast sinned I’ll pardon thee;
Follow me, follow me, follow me!
From every sin I’ll set thee free;
Follow me, follow me, follow me!
In all thy changing life I’ll be Thy God,
thy guide on land and sea,
Thy bliss through all eternity,
Follow me, follow me, follow me!”

“Come, cast on Me thine every care;
Follow me, follow me, follow me!
Thy heavy load I will upbear;
Follow me, follow me, follow me!
Come, look to Me – dismiss thy fears;
And trust Me through eternal years;
My hands shall wipe away thy tears;
Follow me, follow me, follow me!”

Dear lord, I yield to thee my will;
I’ll follow Thee, follow Thee, follow Thee!
Oh, bid my struggling soul be still;
I’ll follow Thee, follow Thee, follow Thee!
Lord, cleanse me, with Thy Spirit fill,
And keep me safe from every ill;
And all Thy Word in me fulfill;
I’ll follow Thee, follow Thee, follow Thee!

For the tune/melody, ask me when we meet. But treasure more of the words ‘coz that’s the main reason I’m putting this up. Ok, I can’t type long ‘coz my sis wants to use the table. Sigh…. and I can’t get friendster to change my font colour!! I’ll edit this later. Too-dles everyone……..

Monsoon

The clouds cannot get any darker,

The rain cannot fall any harder,

My heart cannot beat any faster,

When thoughts of you I wonder.

Life is full of mysteries,

Like nature in its full glory,

Being with you drives me crazy,

Apart from you I am left in misery.

The floods come in with the tide,

From it you can run but cannot hide,

If only I can confirm my feelings inside,

Then your next move you can decide.

Alas, the weather’s unpredictable,

Never giving signs if it is the end of the world,

I cannot help you solve this love’s little riddle,

When my heart is stuck in a maze of a jungle.

Cloudy skies looms above,

Holding waters to shower the earth,

Will it be drops of blessings for us,

Or pitter-patters of undesired curse?

Will this rainy season give way,

To a warm and hopeful sunshine ray?

I don’t know, this I must say,

But dear Lord, please lead us, I pray.

So that be it rain or shine,

No matter what weather or reason or time,

We can withstand it and you will always be mine,

Because you have been brought forth to me by our God Divine.

-Adèle- (10.13am; 23.03.2006)

With encouraging words of wisdom from friends who truly care. To all of you, you know who you are. I’m not exactly dedicating this to you but I’m writing this to you to let you know that I’ll be alright thanks to your love and support. Love you all tons!! Lots and lots of hugs and kisses for you all…..

A Song That Knows No Rhythm or Beat

So long a time has flown by,

I’m still writing a song out of rhyme,

What is the reason?

Will I write better next season?

Come summer with the sun scorching,

Come autumn with the leaves falling,

Maybe life will take a turn next spring,

For the better or worse, it doesn’t affect me,

Even if you cut off my hands, I’ll never stop writing,

Whether a song that carries a tune,

With a melody like Strauss’ Beautiful Blue Danube,

Or a rap that has no specific tempo,

But worthy to be on the Eminem show,

Be it on paper or in my head or heart,

I’ll continue painting my music like a mystical work of art,

How will my piece be?

What will it cost me?

Right now I really can’t tell you,

Because I honestly haven’t got a single clue,

No matter how long a time,

I won’t stop striving for the day to finally write a song that will so serenely chime.

-Adèle- (9.23am: 07.03.2006)

Second blog of the day! Not bad if I can say so myself! Well, I was just wondering 20-30 years from now when I look back on all the things I wrote in this blog of mine, would I say to myself "What was I thinking writing all those??" or "Life’s not changed a bit since then!" ? Oh well, I think from my learnings, we shall leave what is past as past, what is the future for the future and what is now, is now. Although, this little active wheel in my head can’t help spinning the thought, what would my children (if I have any in the future)  say to what I wrote if they read it? Would they question me tons? Would they compliment me? Would they empathize with me? Would they even comprehend what I wrote? Hmm… thoughts of the future. Would it be bright for me? I can’t help but just to keep faith that it will because life is full of surprises, good and bad, like a box of chocolate. Can’t help to say that ‘coz thanks to my friend’s wedding, who used the Forrest Gump Suite as her wedding march into the church, the song has stucked in my head and I play it everyday at work and at home over and over again. I’m listening to it now too! Such a beautiful song! So, after such a long absence, you’d probably expect for me to come back with a change. Well, sad to say and disappoint you, change for me is difficult when there’s nothing to change of my perfect self! haha… Actually, what i was trying to say is I am not the kind of person to initiate change so since the environment around me doesn’t change, neither have I. Although, now with the petrol price being hiked up so much, it might be the time to start for change. Haha! This calls for too much of a drastic change so no, no, I shall not change still. I love being who I am, what I am, who I will be, what I will be. In a way, this is quite a change for me as I totally abhor who I was, what I was - no amount of good can compensate the bad that I’ve been. So, even though as I am living my life now and striving to live my life for the future in hopes of it being a good or maybe better life, it can never shadow what I was or who I have been. This is all caused by the function that never stops in life, as long as you are living, called memory. Even if you have amnesia or Alzheimer’s disease, you’ll still have memories - either really old ones or you just keep making new ones. So yes, I was talking about me changing. The main thing I want to highlight is that I still can’t change talking crap! =) Well, as Amanda from All That (Nickelodeon channel) says, TTTTHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTT’S MMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE!!! So, cherios everybody! Stay the same, don’t change!!

Of sleepless nights and panda eyes,

Invisible tears and silent cries,

Is…………..

Plainly You

Sometimes the pain hurts so bad,

It makes me so mad,

The craziness just drives me up the wall,

I wish I could reach the top, then fall,

All I need is my memory erased,

To get me out of this nightmarish maze,

Hit me, strike me, stone me, kill me,

I’m begging someone, anyone please, I’m on my knees,

It doesn’t make a difference whether I live or die,

To live with such a memory with its excruciating hurt none can deny,

To end my life in peace,

I foresee eternal bliss,

For no one can relate to my pain,

It is so horrifying; it has now become a bane,

Haunting me every night and day,

Making me scream and cry for it all to go away,

But it just never listens, it never stops,

Every now and then, out of the blue it pops,

I’m going insane, I’m losing it,

If only you can realize, you are the very cause of it.

-Adèle- (11pm: 27.02.2006)

Considering friendster is so so super slow on this PC of my sis, I shall combine all I thought of sharing in 3 different blogs. So this is gonna be quite a blog. It’s what I gathered from the Thanksgiving Conference messages that was held in November in the States but we in Malaysia were only shared with such richness during the New Year’s weekend. So anyway, let me start.

General subject: The Lord’s Coming

- The Prophecy of the Lord’s Coming

Message 1: Being Reconstituted with the Healing Christ in the Last Days for His Coming

Message 2: The speaking of the Lord Jesus concerning His Coming

My arms stretch out to You,
Receiving You and Your Love so True,
Whenever You are here I am never blue,
Because the blessings of joy You bring me is bountiful.

My eyes open wide,
Seeing all the gifts You provide,
My wants and needs subside,
Trying to accept all You give with humbleness inside.

Ripping out my heart,
Tearing off my soul,
Bare my emptiness inside,
For the entire world to know.

Stuck in the obsession of my life,
Self-decepting that everything is going right,
Unable to tell apart darkness from light,
This is the world of mine filled with pride.

Holding tight the crown You bestowed,
For all the nations to see and behold,
That Your Second Coming they will know,
So they will prepare themselves into Your mould.

At Your Coming we praise Your name,
Rendering our work with Your Glorious Reward,
Making all our sufferings on earth nothing but more to gain,
Our Morning Star we will follow in one accord.

- Our preparation for the Lord’s Coming

Message 4: Being faithful in Service in the Lord’s Commission and in His Gifts

As I pursue You in life,
You showed all is but a lie,
For how can You make me do things so despicable,
Making my life on earth so unbearable,
If what You say of Your Love is true,
That You Love to death all who follow You?
What is my existence on earth for?
An example of how low a man can fall?
Why bother letting me know Your eternal riches,
When all but I can experience?
Yes, You have separated me,
Not only from the world but from Your Economy,
I am still wondering what is my purpose,
As now, there is nothing I am worthy of in the heavens or on earth!
What properness have you taught?
What teachings have you brought?
What drunken company have you sought,
For me to be in and rot?
What gifts or talents have I been entrusted,
None other than by You, oh Lord Almighty?
All I seem to be doing is busy getting rusted,
Tell me again why did You make me?

From this message, the main thing is we must steadfastly do is to pursue in Life and stay faithful and prudent slaves of God. Amen!

Message 6: Having Dispensational Value to God in the Last Days to Turn the Age

For this message, I didn’t know how to (actually, it’s late and I’m lazy) rhyme my words as I only have mostly questions that are unanswered. So I’ll just type the questions. Although, I did write a stanza during the meeting:

I have always wanted to serve You my whole life,
All the while thinking I’m Your Heart’s delight,
Little did I know that I’m the very one You spite,
And left me all alone now to wallow in the wound of my pride.

Death: Physical and Spiritual

1. What is death?
2. What does death mean in these circumstances?
3. How is death like?
4. How do you or can you revive yourself?
5. If what is said is true that you can flee death when you’re filled with life,
a) How is it possible to sink so low into death when you are so high in Life?!

b) How can one die suddenly even though they live a very healthy living?

6. Just as one dies physically, one can die spiritually for this same reason (example):
“Your time is up. It’s not that I don’t Love you but it’s your time to go”.

However, it doesn’t ends there. But my story ends here. Am afraid will just be crapping away now that I’m dead, dead tired. Nighty!

I can’t believe I’m typing this for the second time. Aaaarrrgghhh!! Friendster is so pissing me off. Anyway, this is what getting stuck in a two hour jam on the Federal highway can make you do:

The Agony (Part 3)

How could you,
When I told you not to?
You didn’t give me due respect,
You treated me like trash.

I must have been possessed,
To allow you to do to me the very one thing I protest,
How could I be so naïve to your loving reasons?
When in actual fact, it is plain lustful nonsense.

I can’t believe I sold and destroyed my spirit and body,
To my God’s and my one true Enemy,
I am torn that I gave myself and my God up so cheaply,
To a Satan’s low-life nobody.

How could I have been so stupid,
To ignore all signs that showed you never wanted to commit,
Only needing me to satisfy your primal heats,
And someone to control anyhow and anytime you want at your finger tips.

Now you left me in ruins,
Living life like a mannequin,
Maybe spiritually I may recover,
But physically and mentally I can NEVER!

-Adèle- (7.28pm)

I can’t remember what I typed here at the bottom but it’s something about the worst jam I’ve ever been in on the Federal highway with the super heavy downpour and flood. And oh yes, we should always count our blessings, I arrived home safe, in one piece albeit numb legs and sore feet though now it’s aching everywhere. Anyways, I’m so beat. It’s 2.30 am for crying out loud!! I’m not a nocturnal and you so know it! So good night and sweet dreams…